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Beliefs and attitudes towards male domestic violence in south kivu

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par Ndabuli Theophile Mugisho
University of KwaZulu Natal, Durban, South Africa - Master of Commerce in Conflict Resolution and Peace Studies 2011
  

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5.1 Research synopsis

This research has scrutinised the beliefs and attitudes towards male domestic violence in South Kivu. Nevertheless, its main objectives were to:

· investigate the origins, categories and consequences of domestic violence.

· review relevant literature concerning domestic abuse in South Kivu province.

· work with some men to document the beliefs and attitudes of men regarding domestic abuse in South Kivu.

· suggest some practical ways to address domestic violence for seeking peace in South Kivu households.

The current research is about beliefs and attitudes towards male domestic violence in South Kivu province. The research found that society supports men's violent beliefs and attitudes in the home. According to the participants, society, masculinity and power assertion are the main motives for men to exercise violence in their homes. However, these include many others and all of them link up for sustaining men's violent attitudes in homes.

Society: Most respondents avowed that South Kivu society is the prime factor that supports domestic violence because it embeds and protects all the other abusive behaviours. For them, society initiates, nurtures, hosts and spreads violence in the minds of men. Thus, society cannot punish domestic abusers. This neglect, that is impunity, shows how domestic violence is not considered as a social menace despite the heavy damages it causes to the victims. It is in this context that society considers domestic violence as a typical family concern between the husband and the wife and not a social one. This implies that society permits man's domestic violence as his right. This, because, society tolerates and supports domestic

violence as it has made it a culture the victims must bear. Based on this view, respondents informed us that men are socially excused if they are violent toward women but the opposite is not. Being a cultural behaviour, abusers learn domestic violence from their environment. This infers that men are not born abusers, but they learn it from their neighbourhood. When men learn domestic violence from their peers, it means that society accepts it as a norm among the men of a given community. Accordingly, respondents also admitted that by peer pressure, men learn abusive attitudes and behaviours. It is in this way that men influence others to drink alcohol and smoke in order to abuse family members. Once drunk, the abuser becomes fearless, shameless and insensitive. Once in this state, the abuser cannot control his violent behaviour. With alcohol, the abuser will decline his premeditated application of violence. Therefore, for him, violence was due to the alcohol and other drugs he took. But this assumption remains unfounded because alcohol only triggers the violence man has already fossilised. For domestic violent men, alcohol consumption becomes the make believe for the wife to conclude that the husband is abusive because of alcohol drinking.

Undoubtedly, man always wants to make his presence felt among his peers of his group with explanations of his assertive attitudes towards his family. In this way, the apprentice listens carefully and so, he learns the different strategies and means to exercise violence in his home. A group member who averts peer influence will be considered as unfriendly, anti-social and therefore not a real man, revealed the interviewees. As a result, he becomes subject to social ridicule, criticism, insults and laughter by the fellow friends he belongs to the same circle. In order to avoid this, he learns and applies violence. It is clear that his aim is now to confirm his maleness among those fellow friends, make them happy and pass up their disrespect and blames. With this, he now better integrates in the group and his peers can accept him as a trustworthy and real man.

Power: Interviewees said that when South Kivu men are seeking power, they become violent in the home. Society has distributed power unfairly by giving it all to men. This situation makes women, whose power is weak, become more victimised of men's violence. Men resort to hard power over women who show disobedience and resist their violence. To illustrate this, respondents argued that a woman may express insubordination verbally or non verbally

because she feels the weight and the abnormality of the violence. In fact, a woman responding rudely to her husband or wears indecent clothes is displaying her weak power, which pushes the husband to use his hard power. This denotes that men abuse women because of their provocative behaviour and words that irritate men. The participants argued that no man would accept a provocative discourse of being nagged or provoked repeatedly by a wife and keep silence. This situation embarrasses man that he aggresses her. In the interviewees' opinions, this generates the belief that women are somehow responsible for their husbands' aggressiveness since they trigger and fuel it; thus, confirming that women attract abuse on themselves.

But, beyond doubt, men exploit women's submission to assert their power. Moreover, participants stated that even if some women oppose their husbands' rules, they cannot forbid the man from asserting power over them. Therefore, the woman must interiorise man's coercion and consider it as part of her family life. This point of view makes men argue that no woman can leave a husband because of his brutality in the home. The woman will keep secretive all the suffering she undergoes in the home because she fears her husband may exercise his power on her as retaliation and maybe send her back to her parents or both.

In order to give more power to man, society has conceived activities and functions based on gender. Men have their activities and functions and women have theirs. The same thing applies to some food that is specific to men and not to women. Disobeying to these social prescriptions compels the violator to undergo man's sanctions because social norms were not respected. Disobeying man's authority makes him think his social power is endangered because these traditions are under his surveillance, which gives him right to sanction the disobeyer. The participants avowed that social power imbalance can also be conveyed through the dowry that man pays to the wife's family as it entitles him with more power, authority and privilege over the wife. They added that since this bride cost has become expensive, it is now so hard for some men to pay for it. Those who afford it, do it painfully. Thus, once married, they will want the wife to pay it back in a way or another, which explains wife's abuse and exploitation. It is also in this way that men will make the wife produce many children who, unfortunately, will never be given the same chance for

education, either at school or at home. So, in the name of power imbalance based on gender, favour often goes to the boy and the girl remains discriminated. Thanks to this power, all social and customary institutions are under man's control and authority.

Masculinity: Interviewees to this research said that masculinity means that man is not opposed in the home. This is what motivates South Kivu men to explore their bwanaume (masculinity). In focus group interviews, respondents admitted that when man feels his maleness is not accepted, he automatically thinks he is incomplete and his personality is threatened, which pushes him to resort to violence in order to confirm he is a real man. Respondents confirmed that men resort to violence because it conveys the mark of male status. Furthermore, domestic violence does not exist in a vacuum; it is often associated with a given family relationship. To this view, respondents revealed that violence in the home means respect and conformity. These cannot be disconnected from a household relation. However, the correlation between man and household members must include correction, which means that domestic violence reflects submission and obedience to man. The interviewees considered domestic violence as man's pleasure as it depicts masculinity. In fact, this is the grounds for some men to exercise domestic violence towards family members, particularly the woman. Although abusers claim this is their right, domestic violence still remains a human rights infringement to combat as it impedes the victim's rights.

The respondents in the focus group reiterated that maleness is use of force when seeking self protection. They argued that men's wish is to see family members become totally submitted to them. This meant that being nonviolent in the home would jeopardize man's control, respect and masculinity. For this reason, the majority of the participants avowed that any man failing to nurture such feelings would not be regarded as a male.

All in all, the connectivity that exists between masculinity, power and GBV fosters males' domestic violence. The majority of the interviewees in this research confirmed that society spreads domestic violence. They approved that the culture of domestic violence cannot stop in South Kivu and will extend to future generations as far as society still condones it though it

is a social plague. However, the point below is dealing with some ways to address domestic violence for restoring peace in the home.

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