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Beliefs and attitudes towards male domestic violence in South Kivu

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par Ndabuli Theophile Mugisho
University of KwaZulu Natal - Master 2011
  

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4.5.4 Domestic violence is a man's self-protection

Dira: A man does not use force in the home without any reason. This is to protect oneself against family members. If you are very shy they will consider you as a sheep. They have to know you never joke.

Fikiri: I may use coercive attitudes to give myself security. They have to know that they should not climb on my back and pull my beard; this is self armour anyway. They must know that at some point they will pay back the mistake.

Joco: In case a man says I will be violent; it means he has some good reasons. I think this is done to put a fence around myself. They will know that I am not reachable anyhow and that I am the only person to redress the family.

Dondo: Oh oh, but security is necessary for a man. In my mind, I feel that what you call `violence in the home' is security for oneself so that family members do not invade him anyhow.

Bitu: We men, we are like dogs as we pass here and there. When I have found a lady to greet and ask her her name, the wife can become nervous. To hinder her from any attack, she must be silenced. If man does not do so, she will be an obstacle for him to go to the other woman who has loved me.

Discussion

Joco, with the majority of the participants to both discussions, supports the idea that men often use violence in the home because they need self-protection. Their need for their own safeguarding makes them create a fence of protection around themselves so that family members will not approach them in any way. This is what Linda (2009) considers as men using domestic violence to symbolize their self-protection in the home because family members will submit to man and will not behave the way they like since they know there are some limits. Joco is also convinced that a man erects an impenetrable fence around himself so that family members can fear him.

But, in an in-depth discussion, Fikiri brings in a new context of using violence. When a man has loved another woman and if he suspects his wife of discovering it, the husband becomes violent. Such reaction aims to silence the wife so that she may not stop the husband's new way of behaving. But if it is the wife who loves another man, her husband will never tolerate it. To this, Arias and Pape (1999:26) confirm that a man behaves violently once he learns that his legal wife has discovered the other woman he is befriending or if his wife has made new connections with other men outside the home. In fact, this creates a dilemma that makes man terrorise his legal wife so that she cannot have an eye on him in his outside love affairs. In order to overcome this, some men leave their wives with a lot of liberty. By becoming more independent, the wife will never have time to check on her husband's conduct.

4.6 Conclusion

This chapter has analysed the data that the researcher collected from the focus group and in-depth interviews he organised on the field. The current research is about beliefs and attitudes towards male domestic violence in South Kivu. In this chapter, the findings from both discussions reveal that the key themes inter-relate to maintain destructive and abusive attitudes of violence in homes.

The social context of South Kivu promotes and wide spreads men's domestic violence. Society does not punish the abusers because it considers such violence as not being a social threat but a home issue. It accepts and tolerates it; thus, the victims must abide to it since it is a culture. In this vein, men strengthen their masculinity (bwanaume). In case man's masculinity is not accepted or thinks he is compromised and incomplete, this endangers his personality. Therefore, he resorts to violence toward family members, particularly the wife who is closer to him. This because he believes violence is the symbol of male status. This belief shows that society gives more power to men compared to women. This unfair distribution of power makes men use hard power over women whose authority is weak. Accordingly, men are socially excused if they are coercive toward women but the opposite is not accepted. This makes women feel obliged to interiorise that violence is family life itself, therefore unavoidable.

Society has conceived activities and functions based on gender. Men have their activities and functions and women have theirs. The same applies for some food that is specific to men and not to women. Infringing these social prescriptions, the victims are accused of not respecting social norms, which gives right to man to sanction them. Besides, because of gender differences, girls do not have equal access to education as boys have. This exists because the society is strongly patriarchal. Men are always favoured: they are the only family managers; they are given supreme power and authority in the family, the clan and the tribe.

Men acquire domestic violence beliefs and attitudes in society, which means that domestic
violence is not natural behaviour. They learn it from their friends and the people who are
around them. Abusers will always impress their peers with explanations of their violent deeds

and attitudes in the home. In this way, the novice will learn the different strategies and means to exercise violence over the wife. He does so to please his friends, to avoid their mockeries and so he keeps integration in the group. Thus, he will confirm his maleness once he is with his peers.

CHAPTER FIVE: GENERAL CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATIONS

This chapter recapitulates the research and provides some practical recommendations to address domestic violence in homes. Useful suggestions are a way of thwarting the escalation of the culture of domestic abuse by promoting harmony.

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